by Bonnie Wurst – mtltimes.ca
For those of you unfamiliar with the popular children’s poem, ‘Little Bunny Foo-Foo’: It is sung to the tune of ‘Down By The Station’. The rhyme is usually sung by an older person to a younger child, accompanied by hand gestures and some hoppin’ & boppin’. It involves a rabbit who is constantly harassing field mice. The rabbit is scolded and eventually punished by the Good Fairy. It goes like this:
Little Bunny Foo Foo, Hopping through the forest,
Scooping up the field mice and boppin’ ‘em on the head.
Down came the Good Fairy, And she said: “Little Bunny Foo Foo,
I don’t want to see you, Scooping up the field mice and boppin’ ‘em on the head.
I’ll give you three chances, And if you don’t behave,
I’ll turn you… into a Goon!” The next day…
(The verse is repeated 2 more times with the last verse ending):
… I gave you three chances, And you didn’t behave. NOW YOU’RE A GOON! POOF!!”
As expected, it ends with him being transformed into a Goon. Then again, perhaps not. What if there was more to this little Bunny then meets the verse? Perhaps his real story went something like this:
Little Bunny Foo-Foo actually had a lot of inner-bunny issues he never dealt with. What he had was a serious anger management problem. It wasn’t really about the field mice he was known to beat up on regularly.
‘Foo-Foo’, as he was called by his closest acquaintances, was inherently not a bad rabbit. It’s just that he got somewhat of a bad rap in life – his reputation further exacerbated by that damn song they wrote about him. It didn’t tell the whole story. It turned out he wasn’t such the bully they made him out to be. Apparently the Good Fairy never even turned him into a Goon. Foo-Foo was spared the punishment and actually went on to become an upstanding citizen of the forest and relentless advocate in the fight against Field Mice Abuse & Bullying.
But back on that fateful day, when after the three warnings NOT to beat up on the field mice and the Good Fairy was about deliver the transforming curse, he fell to his knees and began sobbing.
“I’m so (ger-shniff), I’m so sorry,” he whimpered. “I… I really didn’t want to do it (ger-shnuff)… but I just couldn’t help it. I couldn’t control myself.”
Something the Good Fairy heard in Foo-Foo’s voice made him stop, straighten out his tutu and say, “Look Foo-Foo, I think three chances are more than fair enough. You can’t say I didn’t warn you… and I’m not going to let you make me feel guilty about this. Now, where was I…”
“Wait! Wait! Let me at least try to explain,” Foo-Foo pleaded and fate was with him that day.
“Alright, alright!” the Good Fairy conceded, rolling his eyes. “This better be short and sweet. I have a brunch this morning.”
“Thank you, thank you!” Foo-Foo stopped sobbing and sat up on his haunches. “I know I’ve been cruel and unyielding. And you are so very kind to listen to me. It’s just that I’ve been feeling so burned out…”
Foo-Foo explained he had fifty-one wives and at least five-hundred children to feed. For years he worked as an inspector for the state agriculture department, but had recently been laid off and had to take an assembly line job at the local cannery. He worked late hours, came home exhausted and was unable to meet the demands of his wives in the carrot patch. Then to top it off, his mother-in-laws were constantly flash-mobbing him with complaints. His head was in a hole. A rabbit hole.
“I’ve been very patient with most everyone and everything, but for some reason when I’m walking through the forest on my way to and from work, something comes over me. I pass by a group of field mice and just want to bop the crap out of each and every one of them. It’s like an evil rabbit takes over, a rabid rabbit in fact.”
The Good Fairy put his wand away and sighed, “I’m seeing more and more of this lately. Look, I know you’re a good bunny at heart, but your troubles have got your floppy ears in a twist. It’s clear to me that you have a serious anger management problem and you need to do something about it. Foo-Foo, if you promise to get some help, I will forgive you this time.”
And so that is how Foo-Foo found himself at his first ARA (Angry Rabbits Anonymous) meeting.
“Hi, my name is Foo-Foo and… and I am an Angry Rabbit,” he painfully blurted out.
It was like pulling out a deeply rooted parsnip from the semi-frozen ground of late autumn. But by the end of the first evening with the group he felt immense relief and within only several weeks had made much progress. Foo-Foo actually became friends with a few field mice, but it was still tough walking through the forest on most days. It was a constant battle to not want to grab one of the little buggers and use it for boppin’ practice…
WILL FOO-FOO LEAVE THE FIELD MICE ALONE? FIND OUT IN THE August 2nd Edition!
Bonnie Wurst is a freelance journalist, a weekly columnist and feature writer for the Montreal Times, a novelist, ghost writer (not the scary kind) and humorist. Her book “Damaged Goods Re-Stitched” can be found on Amazon.com. For ‘HUMOR SOUP FOR THE SOUL’ speaking engagements & workshops, please contact her at email@example.com