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Opposition Party-Sandwich Scandal


Invitations went out for the ‘Party of the Year’, an unexpected surprise in the middle of the fiscal year. The ruling Liberal Deficit party wanted to celebrate their new tax-free catering deal and not only were members of the official Overreactive-Opposition Conservative (OOC) party invited, but also the Gleeful NDP and the Green-Viro, Marijuana Munchy and Extinct Rhinoceros parties. The dress code was semi-formal, but clean underwear was required.

The guests arrived in fashionable time for the much anticipated event. They were led into a hall just off the House of Uncommons chamber and greeted with cocktails and strolling pied pipers. Once everyone settled in, Prime Minister Tru-smiley-dough entered the chambers wearing a Coat of Many Colours, made especially for the event by Jacob the tailor, while a band played the theme from Rocky.

Soon after, tables filled with trays of hors d’oeuvres and all types of delectable goodies were rolled out. Members of the Marijuana Munchy party were first in line, gobbling down mini-eggrolls and fudge brownies, using both hands and even their feet at times. “Man, this is good stuff,” leader Blaring T. Stoney was overheard saying. The Extinct Rhinoceros party was far more behaved, using napkins and plates to pile on the goodies and also filling up plastic takeout bags with nary a care – but that’s when Lizzie May, leader of the Green Viro party stepped in. “Plastic bags? Plastic?!” she cried out, tackling their leader by the horn, almost decomposing – but quickly recycled herself and began scolding him with such ramming force, he broke down in tears and ran from the building never to be seen again. “The three R’s,” she cried out after him, “Recycle, Reduce and Reuse!”

Seeing the ruckus it caused, Prime Minister Tru-smiley-dough quickly jumped on to a stage and introduced a Klezmer band. Soon everything calmed down as he led the guests into a rousing rendition of Hava Nagila. Gleeful NDP leader Jiggy-Sing showed off his dancing chops, while members of his party joined in, soon having everyone doing the bunny hop around the room. The food was given a unanimous vote of confidence and it appeared the night would prove to be a success – until OOC leader Andy Sneerdimples began examining the food closely. He knocked a platter of sandwiches on to the floor by accident and was picking them up when he took notice of a label on the bottom of the tray. “What’s this… what’s this?” he cried out. “Made in Libya? Treason, treachery, deceit!” The music stopped and everyone froze. “Explain this Mr. Prime Minister… explain this!” He turned red in the dimples and steam came out of his ears.

“Explain what?” answered Tru-smiley-dough. “The tray, ah, has nothing to do with the, ah, sandwiches, except to, ah, hold them up. You speak nonsense.”

“Nonsense? The trays are made in Libya!” Sneerdimples screamed. “Libya! They are not tax-free. Canadians will pay for this! There are also duties being charged and who knows what else under the table! I want an immediate investigation into this! You are lying and deceiving the whole country!”

“In all due, ah, respect Mr. Sneerdimple, we are, ah, not paying for the trays. The catering consortium, ah, has provided them at, ah, no extra cost and it is my, ah, understanding they have chosen to do so and, ah, therefore are able to offer the, ah, sandwiches at a price all Canadians will, ah, be able to afford – and not have to, ah, pay tax on them,” Tru-smiley-dough replied calmly. “Without them thousands of people will, ah, lose their jobs.” And that’s when Sneerdimples lost it.

“You lie Mr. Prime Minister! You lie… you forced them to do it! Open an investigation! Resign! Retreat!” he shouted.

“I will do no such thing!” said Tru-smiley-dough. “This party is over, I’m closing it down. End of story.” Sneerdimples fell to the ground and began throwing a temper tantrum, causing his pants to split open – and revealing a pink pair of panties with lacey frills on them. All the guests roared with laughter as Sneerdimples ran from the building screaming – while trying to cover up his panties, “They are clean… clean! You will not hear the end of this!”

By: Bonnie Wurst – info@mtltimes.ca
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