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The Attraction Theory

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By Frank Kermit ND, Relationships

 

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There is an attraction theory that states, “How you do one thing, is representative of how you do all other things.”  Although this particular theory is not realistic and cannot be applied across the board in any tangible and measureable way, it does have some merit when it comes to the Emotional Interpretations.  Basically, the theory claims that if you are looking for signs as to what kind of partner someone would be for you in a relationship, look at how a person conducts him or her self, to give you an idea, of what kind of partner someone would make.  On some level, this does make sense, as people generally are their repeating behavior patterns.  Someone whose repeating behavior pattern is to lie, lie and lie some more, may be very incapable of being honest with anyone, including the people he or she dates.

On the other hand, the theory that how you do one thing represents how you do all things is not correct when it comes to all things.  How someone acts in one context may be very specific to that context.  Just because someone puts in the time to take care of her health, does not mean she will put time into taking care of her family connections. Just because someone makes the extra effort at his job, does not mean they will be able to put in that same effort in managing his own business.  In both those examples, there could be extraneous circumstances to explain how one behavior does not represent a predictable behavior in another context. For example, the woman in the above example may be overly preoccupied with her appearance such that she focuses on her own health and beauty, and does not focus on the emotional fulfillment of her family, and the man in the example works hard because he responds to authority checking up on him, but would not be assertive for himself if no one is there to scold him for being less pro-active.

However, when it comes to dating, many people look for those “signs” that someone is meant to be your best potential soul mate.  They look at status symbols that may include education level, wealth, social connections, and even wearing white after Labor Day, none of which is a direct indicator of how well someone treats a partner in a relationship.  Those “signs” can serve as indicators of some kind of significance, but if you really want to safeguard yourself from being mislead by “signs”, then remember this one point:  How someone treats you must be your most important criteria.  If you plan to have children, or already have children, then your most important criteria should also include an analysis of what kind of parent someone would be.

Frank Kermit, ND is Montreal’s #1 Dating-and-Relationship Coach and a Naturo-Therapist covered under employee insurance plans under naturopath. He is a best selling author, keynote speaker, match-maker, conducts pre-marital coaching, relationship columnist for The Montreal Times Newspaper and also appears regularly on the Dr Laurie Betito radio program Passion on CJAD 800 AM. Come out and meet Frank in person at Frank’s workshops, support groups and public appearances. Tel: 514-680-3278, email: frank@franktalks.com

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