There are different points in your life where you may be likely to have a roommate. College students have roommates in nearly all cases. If you’re pursuing a higher-level degree, you might have a roommate, and young professionals tend to live together, especially in bigger and more expensive cities. Even older people are increasingly getting roommates to combat the high housing costs throughout the country.
Who you live with is important, and you can’t jump into bringing someone into your living environment.
There are a lot of things you can do pre-emptively to reduce the risk of a bad roommate, like doing a criminal background check and credit check.
Even with the best vetting, though, you might end up with someone who you consider a bad roommate for any number of reasons, so what you can you do?
How to Vet Roommates
If you’re not yet in a specific situation where you’re dealing with a bad roommate, you still have the chance to go in-depth into someone’s background and personality to reduce the risks that you aren’t going to get along well or even that they could be a danger to you.
It can seem excessive to check someone’s criminal record and background before they live with you, but it’s essential to do so.
You want to keep yourself, your family, and your friend safe. At a minimum, you should check someone’s criminal record before going further in the roommate process. A criminal record can show crimes that go back as far as ten years ago in some cases.
Of course, you don’t want to discriminate against anyone, and not all crimes are equal in terms of severity, but you do need to know as much as you can about someone before living with them.
Beyond checking someone’s background, try to get to know them as much as you can. Talk about their lifestyle, cleanliness, how they view having guests over, and their general temperament and personality. It could be that someone isn’t the right roommate for you, even if they aren’t a bad person.
Roommate Red Flags
Possible roommate red flags can include:
- If you haven’t yet moved in with someone, be wary if their current roommate is leaving under mysterious circumstances. If someone lists a rental and they’re vague about why their roommate is leaving, you should push a little more or consider it a red flag.
- You shouldn’t live with someone who’s not financially stable, meaning if they don’t have a job, it’s a problem unless they have a major trust fund or some other source of money.
- Does a potential roommate have any references? If not, why not? If so, what do those people have to say about them? Before you move in with someone, you should always get references from former roommates and landlords so that you know what you’re dealing with. You can learn more about what it’s like to live with them and whether they’re responsible.
- Your gut might be telling you there’s an issue. If so, listen to it. You don’t want to be in a situation where you’re going to have to try to reverse signing a lease with someone. You might just have a nagging feeling something is off, even if you can’t articulate what it is. If you have even a tiny seed of doubt, it’s best to keep looking for a roommate.
So, How Do You Handle a Bad One?
If you’re in a situation where you already have a bad roommate, what can you do? It’s a tough situation to deal with, but it’s one many people find themselves in.
Early steps you can take to try and remedy the problem include:
- Make a list of the issues bothering you. Then, try to figure out if you can separate these into things that are simply annoying and issues that violate clear boundaries. That way, when you talk to your roommate, it doesn’t come off as a nit-picking laundry list of issues you have with them.
- Once you’ve done this, start to set firm boundaries. Create a new boundary out of all of your true complaints so that you can make a specific request to your roommate. Try to deal with one specific issue at a time.
- Talk to your roommate openly, honestly, and directly. Don’t leave notes or be passive-aggressive. Have a conversation.
- Give yourself some space from the person. It’s easy to get into a routine where you spend excessive amounts of time with someone when you live with them. You want to make sure that you’re taking time away and you’re with friends and loved ones and also doing things that interest you. Taking some time away from one another can help you broaden your perspective.
If these things aren’t an option or aren’t working, or maybe your situation is too far gone, you will either have to move or ask them to move. You have to prioritize your mental health and safety, which makes the hassle that can come with moving worth it.
If you’re going to ask someone to move out, do so calmly. Take responsibility for making the decision, and avoid making any accusations. You’ll only make things worse if you’re confrontational.
You can explain why you don’t feel like you’re compatible, but don’t do so in a way that’s overly aggressive.
Just be direct.
You’ll need to have a plan for splitting any items you might have purchased together. If you’re the person who’s going to move out, you need to have a plan for all of your belongings—don’t leave things behind they’ll have to deal with.
Finally, you also can’t forget your lease. You can’t legally force your roommate off your lease unless they’re convicted of a crime, so you may need to learn more about your legal responsibilities before you tell your roommate you’d like to go your separate ways.
Some landlords might be willing to take your roommate off a lease, so you should ask. You’d then have to cover their part of the expense. Your landlord might also let you take one roommate off the lease and add another. If you’re leaving before the end of your lease term, you may need to keep paying your rent until the end of your lease or find someone to sublease. Talking to your landlord can help you identify possible solutions.
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